RAD

There was a time when kids would just ride their bikes everywhere. I know that it feels like a long time ago, but when I was a child, that's what we did. My brother and I would ride out bikes all over the planet. The feeling of freedom that we had riding around our neighborhood was exhilarating. The world was our oyster. It was like the world had grown to a size that only we could understand. We became bike mechanics, fixing busted chains and checking for flat tires. At ten this is a big deal. The movie Rad (a BMX bike riding movie) was a big hit on the VHS circuit back then, so obviously our future revolved around competitive bike riding. None of that tour de France crap, but riding over jumps and hopping curbs was our future. That was our world. That was our danger zone (Top Gun was a big hit at the time too).
I must have been ten, my brother eleven and we were riding our rad bikes through a neighborhood with Kenny Loggins running through our heads. Before we could realize it, we had bogies to our six. Teenagers were fast approaching. My brother was ahead of me, and the teenagers flew past me. They knocked my brother off of his bike. I skidded to a halt, leaving black marks on the sidewalk. One of the big kids pushed my brother down and started kicking him. I was frozen with fear. Fight or flight was not an option. My only option was observe. I watched the teenagers kick and beat my brother, unable to do anything but cry. They must have got their fill and rode off, leaving my brother on the ground. He eventually got up and we rode home.
I have been thinking a lot about that incident since my brother's cancer diagnosis. I have been thinking about how I did nothing during his time of need. I'm a grown man now. I have been in fights. I can hold my own. If anyone tried this move today, I would destroy who ever tried to mess with my brother. Now that I have the ability to fight and defend my brother, I can't do anything.
Cancer has turned me back into that scared shitless little boy, frozen with fear.
-Matt