Just being there is enough

I have recently been given the honor of being with a dear friend, Carla, on the last day of her life. Let me tell you, it was effing tough. Being among her family and friends, while everyone tried to grasp the finality of death, is something that not many people go through. One minute our loved ones are with us and the next they are gone.

I have kept our daughter, Sofia, closely involved with all of these recent events. Over the past six months, her uncle and now her best friend's mother were taken way too soon from this earth, because of cancer. I have allowed her in on our talks of how shitty cancer is, I have cursed and cried in front of her and I have held her while she wept. Sofia still has a tender heart, and I fear mine is turning into a cold dead little nugget inside my chest. I see her cry for her uncles or for her friend and I am moved by how much she cares.

We have visited a few times over the past week, with Carla and her family, so that Sofia could just be there for her friend. Sometimes I wondered if I should be exposing Sofia to the final stages of life. If her seeing her uncle six months ago, or our friend six days ago, is too much for her to grasp. The end stages of life are tough even for adults to witness.
In the end, I decided that Sofia needs to witness extremely sick people just as she needs to see healthy people. She needed to just be present, while understanding that love is there when you come into our world as much as it is when you leave this world.

I had a talk with Sofia and her friend on the day that her mother, Carla, died. I told her that her mother was in a bad state and she would have to say goodbye to her when we got to her home. I then told Sofia's friend that no matter how much she tried, she wouldn't be able to get rid of Sofia and I in the coming days. I told this 10 year old girl that she would be so sick of us, and just wanting us to leave her alone because we are so lame and corny, and I made her laugh. Seconds after telling her she would have to say goodbye to her mom, she was laughing and joking that she already was sick of us. This kid is so strong and resilient and so quick to enjoy a moment and give a sarcastic remark, she is definitely her mother's daughter.

Sofia has been so worried for her friend and I hope that she has learned that just being there is enough. It is impossible to find the correct words to say or things to do, but just be present and light will find you.

Namaste Carla, and Peace be with your daughter and husband, we are here for all of you whether you like it or not!
And oh yeah, FUCK CANCER!