God's Plan Sucks. Matt's Eulogy for his brother, Ryan

This is the eulogy Matt wrote for Ryan's funeral.  Ryan Beard died on Monday June 22, 2015 because cancer is an unfair beast.

"Thank you all for coming here. The past few days have been some of the hardest I've ever faced. The family has been surrounded by nothing but support and love from everyone who knew Ryan. It means a lot to me, and if I had time to thank everyone individually, I would. But for now, thank you. 

When you have an older brother, you expect him to last forever. You come into life with a built-in safety net. The world is not as scary when you have an older brother. I always knew that no matter what happened, I always had Ryan to help catch me when I fell. I always had faith that I could face any odds, because my brother was nearby. A couple of days ago, I thought that no one could understand what it would be like to lose a big brother. Then the stories from old friends started coming in. I realized that he played that role for everyone. He was a big brother to all of us. If you are here right now, at some point, Ryan helped you out, made sure that you got back up when you fell down and in most cases, ensured that you never fell in the first place. He treated you like he treated me. He treated you like he was your older brother;   know that on Monday we all lost our big brother. I am not alone in my grief. 

Ryan loved to sit with friends and talk. We would tell stories until all hours of the night.  Ryan personified three main characteristics: he was the voice of reason, he always worked hard, and he loved his family. What better way to explain this than to share some stories? 

RYAN WAS THE VOICE OF REASON: 

     One year, when we were much too old to do it, I was probably 17, Ryan and I saw a brand new Laser Tag set in Target. We got way too excited about it, and bought a bunch of them. Me and Ryan and some friends would take these Laser Tag guns and vests and play in public parks and play grounds after dark. We had a blast. It was amazing. We ran around shooting each other and tallying the score, and had a great time. We always talked about doing it indoors. It would be just like an action movie if we did it inside. The problem was, we didn't have big enough houses to really make it work indoors. A friend suggested that we play over in a new housing development where all of the houses had been built, but the doors and windows hadn't been put on. We headed out there one night and had the time of our lives. We played amazing games of laser tag that night, we were diving down stairs and ducking into rooms and ninja rolling for no reason.  It was a great time. While playing, a spotlight shone on the house, and we heard a helicopter circling above. Then we saw blue and red lights flashing, it was the Virginia Beach Police in full force. Someone had seen a bunch of kids running around with guns, and called the police. It must have been a slow night because the police brought everyone. We heard the dogs barking. Ryan and I sat down against a wall and just stared at each other wide eyed. "I'm going to run!" one of our friends said. Ryan calmly assessed the situation and  told everyone "Put the toys down, and we are going to walk outside with our hands up." We did as he said and walked out with our hands up only to be faced with about ten police officers with their guns drawn. The responding officer was an older guy and realized that we were not criminals and we hadn't damaged anything. He told the other police officers to 'stand down, these were just kids'. We were handcuffed and sat on the curb to tell our story. The old officer took pity on us that night and told us that he didn't see anything malicious here. It looked like we were just kids having a good time, he took our information, uncuffed us and told us to not be so stupid next time. Ryan was the one who was cool under pressure and made the right decision. He was always the voice of reason in a sea of dumb ideas. 

RYAN WAS HARDWORKING: 

Ryan was the first of the group of friends that got a job. As soon as he was able to to work, he had a job. He bounced from job to job, but when he got the job at channel 13 he served as a reminder that there were options other than retail. He was so cool for having a job at the TV station. At the time nobody in our group was so successful. Ryan took me to the station a few times, and I was always impressed. I didn't think that it would be possible to do something so important. That's back when TV news was still cool.  One night my girlfriend at the time and her friend were hanging out with me and Ryan. It was late at night, and we had to take the ladies back to Norfolk. Ryan came up with the idea to swing by the station to show it off. After all, a TV news station is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Back then, when the station was off air, they ran a graphic displaying station information. So we got to go into the station and sat at the news desk and make fake reports. The real fun happened when we went to the green screen that the weather report used. Ryan pulled up the map, so we acted like real weather reporters. Things got ridiculous, and he scrolled the map behind us. We acted like we were flying over the east coast. "And in the Eastern Shore, there is a 100 % chance of me grabbing your butt." "Look I'm grabbing your butt over Norfolk." We had a great time, just making jokes and causing trouble. After we were done, we dropped the ladies off at their place and started the drive back home. On that drive, Ryan got a call on his company cell phone. A friend from the station just happened to have channel 13 on at around 2:30 in the morning. The off-air graphic that was used was ran through the weather green-screen computer. So for about fifteen minutes, we were on live TV, acting like idiots and likely breaking a number of FCC regulations. To understand what kind of guy Ryan was, instead of trying to hide it,  he apologized, swore it would never happen again, and it was water under the bridge. 

Ryan taught himself everything at that station. He was always concerned that hadn't gone off to college, so he worked his butt off constantly. He learned everything thing he could, about every aspect of the station. He had the rare ability to allow all that did not truly matter, just slide away. He is still my reference point when I think of what hard work can accomplish. He taught me that hard work could cure a lot of problems. 

RYAN LOVED HIS FAMILY:

There was a time when Ryan, like most of us,  was a little lost. He had broken his arm, his girlfriend had broken up with him, and his brother had left for the Army. For a time he lost that twinkle in his eye and he didn't laugh as much. Then he met  Sarah and Ryan came back in full force and he never looked back. He was happy again. He laughed louder and smiled more. After him and Sarah got together, he was excited about life again. The two of them fit well together and became an amazing team, willing to take on the world.  

I was kind of on the accelerated track through adulthood. I got married before he did and I had a child before he did. After Sarah and Ryan were married, Ryan would call me to ask advice. It was odd how our roles had started to change and I became the one giving the advice. When Ben was first born, Ryan would call me worried about everything. He was a great dad, and that's what we do, we worry constantly. One night he called me when Ben was an infant and asked what he should do if another kid made fun of Ben or tried to fight Ben. I told Ryan that parenthood was a process of small steps. He needed to take things one step at a time. I said that he should focus on getting Ben sleeping through the night first and then we could worry about kids making fun of him at school.  There would be time enough to worry about things like dating and fights later. I told him to worry about what he could control.   

When Ryan was diagnosed, he thought about all of the things that he wanted to do before he died. I always told him it could be anything. He could travel to Europe or see the Taj Mahal, or do anything he wanted. The only thing on his list was to rent a beach house and spend time with his friends and family. And that's just what he did. 

Near the end of his life, his only concern was for his family. He didn't care about what he was going through. He was really only worried about us. I had some minor jaw pain a few months ago and had to see a doctor about it. It wasn't that big of a deal, and it amounted to me just having jaw pain that would come and go. On Saturday, in his home, he asked me how my jaw was doing and if I was okay. That's how he was.

He told me that he was never scared of dying. He told me that his only concern was for us. He told me that he had the easy part in all of this, it was us that he was worried about. That's just Ryan. 

 

He supported me and set me straight when I was the worst version of myself, and never took credit when I was the best version of myself. His influence was the reason for some of my greatest successes. 

He will always be the calm voice in my head urging me to make the right decisions. He was the best of us. Ryan's dynamic and generous spirit will resonate for decades, through his family and friends.  I will miss him forever and he will not be forgotten."