Mama Drama

I'm a working mom and I have stay-at-home mom friends and working mom friends, but the truth is we all WORK.  I'm lucky that there hasn't been mama drama strewn around by my friends. You know, the moms that say stuff like 'it's such a joy to be able to spend my time watching them grow'. Implying that because I work, I don't get to be with my kid.  I work from home which tends to have both of the bad parts of the working and stay-at-home moms.  I get the guilt combined with the feeling of being trapped in my own home.

I usually get comments like 'how lovely to be able to work in your jammies'

And it is lovely; however, I yearn to get out and eat lunch with coworkers, or turn to one and complain about the dick wad that I just had to deal with.

I actually have three jobs.  One full time job that I hate, a part time job that I love and a part time job that I'm doing because it's possible that it could turn into a full time job, so that one day I can quit my shitty one.

The only person that has ever given me shit about this (besides my own scum bag brain) was my doctor.  I was getting a refill on my happy meds, and yes I'm not ashamed to say that I take anti-anxiety meds.  Once Matt deployed for the second of three major deployments I was feeling overwhelmed and started taking meds.  They helped, so I'm still on them.

Anyways, my doctor was asking about my panic attacks and got kinda shitty and asked, 'why do you have three jobs, if you hate your full time one?' 

To which I replied, "well, I guess because I don't know what I'm gonna do.. with forever, and I need to figure it out."  So I don't know what I want to do, but I'm pretty sure it's not working chained to a phone for an insurance company. 

So yes, I have three jobs.  I see my kid a lot, and I need to escape a lot and I get the guilt that every mom feels.  Being a working or stay-at-home mom sucks and is lovely.
I do feel like my health has declined since taking on two part time jobs.  I'm not eating quite as healthy, and I'm not exercising daily like I used to.  So in trying to find my calling, I can't help but feel like I'm giving myself some kind of cancer.

Now trust me, I understand that this is an irrational fear, and that just that thought looming can be detrimental to one's health.  It makes me sound like a hypochondriac, I am not.  I do know that I hadn't been sick in almost two years, and the past two weeks have knocked me down with a stomach bug and a head cold.  Maybe I'm just getting older, or maybe it's because I'm not taking care of myself.  I am supposed to be tweaking my resume right now and instead, I'm swilling NyQuil and I'm on a diatribe about feeling sick.

I'm so grateful for my mom friends.  They have let me get drunk and not chastised me for talking really loudly about sex.  They have let me be pissy and ruin an otherwise nice evening, while I bitch about something mundane.  My mom friends are the anti cancer.  I don't see them enough, but I know they are there.  In the drive by hellos of girl scout pickups and playdate drop offs, I am grateful for even a few minutes of adult contact.  I am proud of all of us for volunteering at school and on weekends to help us raise confident and nerdy girls.  And I'm grateful for group texting that always makes me giggle.  I am grateful that even though I have three jobs, not one of them has ever made me feel like I'm less of a mother for trying to find me.

True Love and Shit...

For those of you that may have never experienced an act of true love, I truly am sorry.  Matt and I have been together for 14 years and married for almost 11.

After you've been married, and living together, and have a child together sometimes things can get stagnant.  You don't care about farting, or puking, or having breath that smells like the bowels of satan.  Poor Matt has seen me at my worst, I've had an 8 pound baby pushed out of my hoo hah, and he was front and center for that.  I've breast fed said baby, and had National Geographic sized boobs, in all of their breast feeding awfulness.

We've suffered through a lot together in the past two years.  We've dealt with deployment, PTSD, cancer times two, and unemployment, but last night was truly a time that I was so very grateful to have him in my life.

I graciously accepted a head cold, from him, last week, and at 12:37am I got out of bed to get some  NyQuil.  I was going downstairs, in the dark, barefoot and in underwear.

I stepped in puppy poop that had been strategically littered on several of the stairs.  The poop squished between my toes and stayed there in a cold brick.  I stopped, frozen on the steps, because I had no idea if there were more land mines that our new puppy had placed.  (Let us take a step back to realize, just how tricky a feat like this is, for a puppy.  She had to balance herself on not one step, but four, in order to poo all over them.) So I cried out for help.  I immediately began to laugh, and yelp for Matt to come help.  I was standing in the dark, in my underwear, with shit lodged between my toes and laughing like a crazy person.  I began laughing so much that I was in tears.  Matt came running, obviously thinking I was hurt.  He immediately rushed to the rescue, turning on a light, and grabbing paper towels. He began cleaning my toes as I stood crying in laughter on one foot, like some sort of loopy flamingo.  He then helped me upstairs, into the tub, where I could clean puppy shit from between my toes.  I stayed in there scrubbing for way too long, but by the time I had come out, he had cleaned up all of the rest of the turds, and scrubbed the carpet.  I eventually stopped cry/laughing or craughing, and we then climbed back in bed and finished the awful movie we were watching, and I fell asleep in a NyQuil induced coma that was much earned.

Someone that can leap from bed to pluck turds from between my toes, while I was half naked, truly must love me.  Its a nice reminder after having gone through so much this past year, that in all of its awfulness, love finds a way to remind you...  Even puppy poop cannot ruin a night.

Science, bitch

Why I like the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
First its funny.  Watching people squirm is always funny.
Second, Science.

Science, Science, Science.

Supporting research for things like ALS is good for everything.  It doesn't matter which shitty thing your family has been affected by, researching one disease helps with research for all.

So get off your butts, pour some ice water on your face, and donate some money.  Because the closer we come to ridding the world of ALS, the closer we come to helping those with Parkinson's, Muscular Dystrophy, Multiple Sclerosis, and anyone suffering from paralysis or nerve damage of any type.

I support Science.

Year in Review

 2013 started with so much potential. I had a new job that took me around the world. I was ready to embark on a new journey that I thought would change my world. I was excited and I thought that I was heading in a direction that would bring the most satisfaction out of life.
2013 turned out to be a long parade of inefficiency and misery that made the years I spent in Iraq and Afghanistan seem fun. In short 2013 was the worst. I'm gonna have to chalk it down as a loss. 2013 was a shit show. The only thing that I really have left is the hope for something better. 2014 has to be better. I have a strange optimism about this year. If things suck in 2014, at least I can hold on to the fact that it's not 2013.
I have a strange habit of keeping track of all of the movies I have watched and books that I have read each year. Maybe if I analyze this list I can figure out why 2013 was so horrible. Is it my bad taste in entertainment? Let's see.

The list of book I read in 2013 is surprisingly short.

BOOKS I READ IN 2013
A dance of dragons
What in God's name!
The Gunslinger
The Drawing of the Three
The waste lands
Wizard and glass
I wear the black hat
Ender's Game
Ready Player One
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The movie list is a different story.

MOVIES I WATCHED IN 2013
This is 40
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Total Recall (2012)
Sexy Beast
The Lincoln Lawyer
Dredd
Klown
Small Town Murder Songs
Les Miserables
Argo
Silver Linings Playbook
Lincoln
Undefeated
Django Unchained
Life of Pi
Wreck it Ralph
War Games
The Hobbit: an unexpected journey.
Battleship
Wrath of the titans
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Bernie
The departed
Body of lies
The Bourne identity
Gangs of New York
Blood Diamond
The beach
Here comes the boom
Munich
The fellowship of the ring
The two towers
The return of the king
This is 40
Knocked up
Iron Man
Iron Man 2
The Avengers
Man on fire
I am legend
Training Day
Funny People
Wanted
Jumper
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Seven Psychopaths
Silver linings play book
Killing them softly
The Mexican
Project X
Braveheart
We were soldiers
Gladiator
Goon
Paranormal activity 3
Paranormal activity 4
The Master
God Bless America
V/H/S
The Frighteners
The hunger games
Lockout
Hungry for change
Fat, sick and nearly dead.
The Descendants
Rock of Ages
I, robot
Primer
Timecrimes
Trollhunter
Let the right one in
The Butterfly Effect
The Bucket List
The Untouchables
High Fidelity
The Amazing Spiderman
The Social Network
Little Shop of Horrors
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
OZ the great and powerful
Oblivion
Red Riding : 1974
Red Riding: 1980
Safety not guaranteed
District 9
Jennifer's Body
Iron Man 3
Cloud Atlas
The Cabin in the woods
Star Trek: into darkness
Love and other drugs
Pirate Radio
Kick Ass
J. Edgar
Deja Vu
Jack the giant slayer
21 & over
After Earth
The Hangover part 3
Sky Captain and the World of tomorrow
Donnie Darko
Dead Man's Shoes
Ondine
Movie 43
It's a disaster
The place beyond the pines
Side effects
Rapture palooza
Man of Steel
Super
Sympathy for delicious
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
21 Jump Street
Away we go
Avatar
The amazing Spider-Man
Moulin rouge
Les mesribles
Kiss kiss bang bang
Man of steel
Iron man 3
Life of Pi
Oblivion
The amazing Spider-Man
The dark knight rises
Drinking buddies
This is the end
Crazy Stupid Love
Phenomenon
Premium Rush
Silver linings play book
The heat
Prince Avalanche
The Lifeguard
Pain and gain
Star Trek: into darkness
Star Trek 2
Stranger than fiction
Kick Ass 2
Trance
Now you see me
R.I.P.D.
The Great Gatsby
World War Z
The Iceman
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Last Crusade
Kings of Summer
Mud
I declare war
Pacific Rim
The Purge
Disconnect
The Way, Way Back
Jackie Brown
Side by side
Room 237
Olympus has fallen
Zodiac
Session 9
White House Down
Sinister
The East
Paradise
Dream catcher
Deliverance
Planes
3:10 to Yuma
Machine Gun Preacher
End of Watch
Division 3
Closer
JFK
The Mortal Instruments
Wall-E
The hunger games: catching fire
Wayne's World
Wayne's world 2
Captain Phillips
Gravity
Frozen
Hell Baby
The Spectacular Now
Don Jon
Elf
Rise of the guardians
Apollo 13
Saving Mr. Banks

Was 2013 bad because I didn't read as much or did my taste in movies influence my view of the events of the year? I think that there might be some other factors at play here, but it's easier to blame Netflix.
Here's to 2014 being better than last year.