33 is the new 73

I'm turning 33 tomorrow.  Whoopie.
I am not really going to talk about cancer, but I will say that I'm very down today.  I'm not sure why exactly.  It just sucks.
Having a birthday should be pleasant, I should be grateful.  I am grateful, I guess, but it has been overshadowed by this horrible nothingness.

I'm not exited, I no longer get the jittery fun feeling of the anticipation.  Its just another day.  When do we lose that?  and more importantly WHY do we lose that?
I want that back.

I want to be thrilled that I'm getting older.  I do want another year to set goals and disappoint myself with them.  But this past year has been especially challenging.  So much so, that I'm just too tired to be excited.  I'm tired, but I'm ready to keep on keeping on.

We lose the feeling of invincibility from our 20s and the 30s are a decade to figure shit out.  I've figured shit out, for the most part.  We are grown ups, we have a kid and a house, and a Subaru,  and a dog.  It is a normal suburban life.  The 30s are our decade to appreciate all of that crap, and not be concerned with aging.  I'm not scared about getting wrinkles or gray hair (mainly because I already have plenty of both) but I'm scared I'm not taking care of myself, but too lazy to do anything about it.

Tom Hanks was on David Letterman the other night, and told everyone he has Type Two diabetes, he then said "ya know, something is gonna kill us all, Dave. Something is gonna kill us all"

Tom (we're on a first name basis) then said:  “My doctor said, ‘Look, if you can weigh as much as you weighed in high school, you will essentially be completely healthy and not have type 2 diabetes.'  And I said to her, 'Well, I’m gonna have type 2 diabetes.’”

If I'm 33 and worried about cancer and blah blah blah, what fun will my life be. I guess I need to be conscious about it, but not let it overwhelm me, because something's gonna kill us all.

I've had two trains of thought, since our brothers were diagnosed.
1) "it doesn't fucking matter, eat that doughnut, fuck it, eat 10, and do a snow angel in the powdered sugar and cartwheel into chocolate frosting"
2) "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, We need to buy every book Michael Pollan has ever written and spend our life savings on eating organic and juicing, and never even smelling another fast food restaurant."

As you can see, we struggle with this several times a day.  I love baking, and I'm pretty damn good at it.  So I want to eat yummy cakes and cookies that I bake.  I also love cooking, and guess what, I'm pretty fucking amazing at that too.  So we eat well in our house.  But dammit if McDonald's doesn't make a really tasty cheeseburger.  So I guess moderation will become our mantra.

Now I'm going to go eat another piece of pumpkin spice cake with cream cheese icing on it, then throw the rest in the trash can, so I can start fresh on my 33rd Birthday.  

Wish me luck homies.